Fireworks-Dreams
I put some pictures on my wall last night… There’s a patch of sunsets, a patch of scenery, and then a million diverse pictures… The kind that don’t fit any categories. I look so happy in all of them… Arm wrapped around the neck of a boy I love locked in a sweet messy ballroom dance, head thrown back, laughing, holding each other like we’d never let go… Eating Icecream with the Laura that I never saw again… Sitting with Giulia and her friends with Pina Colada, Martini and Sex on the Beach… Then there’s the series that Becca took… the ones that got the place of honor, right over the computer… They somehow captured the Me that I see… I look so pensive in those pictures… I wonder what I was thinking about…I remember staring at a piece of glitter on the floor, but I don’t know what I saw in it…There have been a lot of those in my life… They flash and catch my eye… and then are gone… and I find myself looking after them, towards the place where they used to be… happy for the flash, but as disappointed as I used to be when I was five and the fireworks were all gone… the party was over…
Sitting alone here… over tired… after everyone’s gone home, I put myself back into the pictures on my wall… I look so elated… buoyed by someone, something… Sitting on Nathan’s shoulders, laughing at the world, screaming my way down the Sierra Tonante, dancing with “the girls” on New years… and then sitting in the spotlight of two nights ago, looking at my tinseled dream…
For once, I am at peace…
But I know that when I rise from here, there will be battles once again… the “How do I treat him”, “What do I say”,”Should I tell her”,”Leave me alone” that is my life right now… I know that… and yet, right now, I feel like I’m floating, In control…
Unlike the pictures, right now I stand alone…and it’s not so scary after all…And as for my fireworks-dreams? I’m glorying right now, in the silence of the night sky…