Why is it that any time I really really really want to hear from someone, I find my mailbox with a FORWARD from them in it?
I HATE that! This latest one involves a 10 month old with Leukemia… and has the typical guilt trippy message at the bottom informing me that I have no heart… GRRR!!!
I put some pictures on my wall last night… There’s a patch of sunsets, a patch of scenery, and then a million diverse pictures… The kind that don’t fit any categories. I look so happy in all of them… Arm wrapped around the neck of a boy I love locked in a sweet messy ballroom dance, head thrown back, laughing, holding each other like we’d never let go… Eating Icecream with the Laura that I never saw again… Sitting with Giulia and her friends with Pina Colada, Martini and Sex on the Beach… Then there’s the series that Becca took… the ones that got the place of honor, right over the computer… They somehow captured the Me that I see… I look so pensive in those pictures… I wonder what I was thinking about…I remember staring at a piece of glitter on the floor, but I don’t know what I saw in it…There have been a lot of those in my life… They flash and catch my eye… and then are gone… and I find myself looking after them, towards the place where they used to be… happy for the flash, but as disappointed as I used to be when I was five and the fireworks were all gone… the party was over…
Sitting alone here… over tired… after everyone’s gone home, I put myself back into the pictures on my wall… I look so elated… buoyed by someone, something… Sitting on Nathan’s shoulders, laughing at the world, screaming my way down the Sierra Tonante, dancing with “the girls” on New years… and then sitting in the spotlight of two nights ago, looking at my tinseled dream…
For once, I am at peace…
But I know that when I rise from here, there will be battles once again… the “How do I treat him”, “What do I say”,”Should I tell her”,”Leave me alone” that is my life right now… I know that… and yet, right now, I feel like I’m floating, In control…
Unlike the pictures, right now I stand alone…and it’s not so scary after all…And as for my fireworks-dreams? I’m glorying right now, in the silence of the night sky…
Apparently I didn’t have photography class today, I was quite disappointed!
On a brighter note, I joined the school newspapaer… YAY! they actually had me write an article already!
Ok.. this computer (School comp, not my newly transformed baby) is driving me crazy… I am typing much much much faster than the computer will display, which is both exhilarating and immensely annoying… TTYL!
Well folks, after a bitter sweet month I am back… Back in oh so many ways… My computer is finally fixed :) and by the way, to the folks from last night.. I got the keyboard up, but true to form, as soon as I got that working, the modem quit… so maybe with a little more tinkering I’ll get the whole system up and running… maybe…
I’m in a surprisingly good mood considering the happenings of the day… I got up this morning at an irreligiously early hour, then cleaned my house… no… not very auspicious beginnings, but God knows (as do four good friends)that it was necessary… Then I went out into the cold to ride the Metro… I’m not a huge fan of the bus system at the best of times, but today was particularly bad. I was experimenting with a new route, if it worked, it would cut my transit time -from home to school- in half. Well, I got to the bus station in the nick of time and got to my connection fine. The only trouble was that the street signs were missing at my stop, so it wasn’t until the last second that I decided to trust my instinct and disembark. Well, about two minutes after the bus pulled away from the station, I realized that my purse (complete with wallet, money, ID… everything but the kitchen sink) was still on board… I was a little rattled, especially since I was convinced (erroneously, it turns out) that my keys were also in the purse… Just then two buses pulled up to the stop and I, still shaken, got on the first one. A few minutes later, I awoke from my reverie to discover that I was on the WRONG BUS… SO.. I got off and walked about 15 blocks to school….
Ugh… not the greatest morning…
Ironically, it’s school that’s cheered me up…My schedule this semester is truly great. French, Math, English, “Persuasion and Argumentation” and Photography…. I like all of my professors except for the Math teacher… He seems a little senile and says “lookit” every 20 seconds… which is really jarring for some reason… still, the day was wonderful…